E6: Understanding Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) And Taking Back Control.

Ever reread a text 47 times because someone replied with “K”? Or feel your stomach drop when a tone changes, even slightly? In this episode of ADHDiva, Hala and Rania unpack Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), that intense emotional pain triggered by real or perceived rejection, criticism, or “you fell short” moments, especially common with ADHD.

We get real about how RSD shows up in everyday life: mind-reading, spiraling, masking, people-pleasing, taking work feedback personally, and turning one awkward interaction into a full Netflix season of internal panic.

Then we share a practical, no-fluff toolkit to regulate it: name the feeling in the moment, pause and delay your reaction, ask for clarity without attacking, step into the other person’s reality, build rejection tolerance with small “no” reps, and set boundaries when someone is simply being rude.

If RSD has been running your life, this episode helps you take the remote back.

ADHDiva is us, Hala and Rania, two ADHD diagnosed besties who will be your chaos companions.

Disclaimer: We’re not doctors, therapists, or personal ADHD coaches. This podcast is based on lived experience and personal insights. If you need medical or mental health support, please check in with a qualified professional.

If this episode helped you, follow the show, leave a rating/review, and share it with a friend who needs the “same brain” validation.

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Transcript

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Why A “K” Can Ruin Your Day

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Have you ever reread a text 47 times because someone replied with K? Have you ever felt physically sick because someone changed their

Defining Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

SPEAKER_04 0:11

tone?

SPEAKER_02 0:11

Today's episode of ADHDA, we're speaking about rejection sensitivity dysphoria and why it feels like emotional death. And we're going to talk about how to stop letting it run your life.

SPEAKER_04 0:43

And I'm Ronald. Today we're recording at 6 a.m. Because our ItchDS has kept changing planes so many times, so we stuck with this with this time. Only this time was the available one for the most of us.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

I'm gonna have to defend myself. I'm actually sick. So that's sound like Ronald today.

SPEAKER_04 1:07

And it's the most sick. Yes, that's that's why she's Ronald, and I'm just I just woke up. That's why I'm hover today for you guys. So so if you are had to be up all night to catch up your deadlines, or you had to wake up really early, like us. Um you're not alone, okay? Cheer up, your eddy diva friends just arrived. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

We're talking today about rejection sensitivity. Yes, so what is rejection sensitivity dysphoria?

SPEAKER_04 1:50

Okay, so the boring explanation of rejection sensitivity dysphoria dysphoria is is defined as a condition characterized by extreme, intense emotional pain triggered by real or perceived rejection, criticism, or falling short of expectations.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

So it's not an official DSM diagnosis.

SPEAKER_04 2:20

Yeah. But yeah, what some people wouldn't uh actually understand what is the DSM. Well, the DSM is the like the psychiatry's Bible.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Basically.

SPEAKER_04 2:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

So if anybody wants to look it up, it's a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, DSM.

SPEAKER_04 2:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

So rejection sensitivity, dysphoria is extremely common in ADHD, neurodivergence, and even sometimes trauma. You don't even have to have ADHD to experience it.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

And it might feel weird, it might feel disproportionate, but the pain is real, trust me.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

I definitely trust you, and I think the listeners are trusting you too. And if if anybody is new to ADHD and you don't know what this feels like, um, keep listening and maybe you know you can tack on those feelings that you can't understand. Um, so hella, what does it feel like? How does it show up in ADHD?

How RSD Feels In The Body

SPEAKER_04 3:26

Well, for me, it's a really weird sensation, actually. I always recognize it when I feel like hot and cold at the same time, starting from my head down to my toes, you know. Like someone threw an ice pocket on top of your head all of a sudden. Tangling feeling. Yeah, do you feel that? Like, no, it's not it's not really tangling for me, but it's like I'm really getting hot and cold at the same time.

unknown 3:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Starting from my head down. Hmm. Yes, it's really weird. And it's intense and it just hits all of a sudden.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

I think maybe we're speaking about the same thing, but we're describing it differently, maybe. Um, I feel it, yeah, head to toe, and it's a tingling feeling, and the emotions it they turn physical. It comes like rushing, like the blood comes rushing to my face. Um, yeah, I can feel, I can feel my hands getting warmer. Um, so I have a physical response as well. You know, my chest gets a little tight, my heart begins to race. Um I don't like get angry or anything, but my eyes start stinging like tears are gonna come out.

SPEAKER_04 4:48

But you you become really calm though. Right?

SPEAKER_02 4:53

Yeah. Um, but I feel like it's a surge of emotions. Like, I don't know how to it's like you feel everything at the same time, but you're just like frozen in those feelings, but they're so intense.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Yeah.

Spirals, Mind Reading, And Freeze

SPEAKER_02 5:11

And then you just start to spiral. You you try to like foreshadow or mind-read the person. Like, why did they say that? Why did why why am I the problem? Oh my god, what did I say?

SPEAKER_04 5:24

Yes, it's like I jumped into the conclusion and just came out of it.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Like, oh, and in that moment, do you know what I visualize? I see little Ranya, like I'm an adult, but I see a little girl, and you feel small and weak, and but in all honesty, it's not that we're weak, right?

SPEAKER_04 5:55

Yes, I agree.

Disclaimer And Lived Experience

SPEAKER_04 6:00

We want to give you a quick heads up. We are not doctors, therapists, or your personal ADHD coach. We're just two divas sharing our experiences, laughs, and listens. So take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and always, always check in with a professional for our medical advice.

Everyday Triggers And Invitations

SPEAKER_02 6:30

All right, so Hella, how does RSD show up in everyday life? So day-to-day, what would a situation look like where RSD would present itself?

SPEAKER_04 6:45

Well it happens if someone doesn't invite you somewhere, for example, you figure it out, the person invited everyone but you.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Have that ever did that ever happen to you before?

SPEAKER_02 7:04

No, because if I if you were relevant, I would have been invited. If you did not invite me, you were obviously not relevant enough.

SPEAKER_04 7:12

Yes, the same same for me as well. I was never the only one who was not invited, but if I feel like I found myself that one of the people who was not invited, I will feel like okay, it's their loss. Because I know probably at this time I'll be doing something else really fun, or even relax and have fun as well.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

So it's like uh it's your love, but knowing you, like she is the life of the party. I would I wouldn't even understand why anybody wouldn't want to invite you. They're loss, like you said.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

You too, I swear. Yeah, but but as young Halbert, uh I mean Hala, I I used to feel that because I didn't know my potential, I didn't know my identity and how do I affect gatherings in a good way, and I didn't believe in that, so I might felt like that as young uh Hala, but now no, I don't, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

As adult Ranya, I'm sometimes very grateful and wish that I'm not invited.

Tone Shifts In Relationships

SPEAKER_04 8:20

But yes, the the the relief of missing out, you know, and relaxing at home.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

The opposite of the FOMO, exactly the relief of missing out, yes, that's me now as well.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

That I love but the one, yeah, me, me too, but the one that affects me really bad is if your partner sounds annoyed or sounds off because we have this set of tones singing, and sometimes if some one of us used a different tone that is not included in this set, it doesn't it doesn't have to be like offensive tone or anything, it's just different, it feels different, yes, kind of like uh like for example, if you're doing everyday like good morning, and then one day it's just like good morning, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

They both aren't offensive, but like good morning is so different than good morning, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:26

And actually, that's the for the both of us, me and my husband, we have also both are RSDing together. Yeah, the couple that RSD together stay together.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Yes, they do, because my husband and I do as well, and he doesn't, he's not ADHD. Um he'll notice mood shifts, tone shifts, but that's a part of marriage. Hey, by the way, go back and listen to our marriage podcast.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Yeah, our marriage two episodes we've talked about covered it all, you know, the bad side and the good side. But does your husband also ask for explanation? Because we with us, we all always ask like for explanation, and that's actually making our uh relationship really deep because now we understand everything almost like he understands me deeply now, so he might like if I change my tone, he would go like are you mad because of blah blah blah blah. I was like, Yes, yeah. Does that happen with you as well?

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Yes. Um for me, so because like I'm very detail-oriented with people. By the way, I love psychology, I love reading people, I love knowing why people, yeah, why people do things the way they do them. So um I'll know exactly why my husband is upset or if he's upset. With him, he's a little

Feedback At Work Without Meltdowns

SPEAKER_02 10:55

shaky, so um, I'm a little harder to read sometimes. But he'll ask, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:02

One of the things as well is when your boss gives you feedback, or any of your teammates, actually, because apparently some people don't understand how to constructively give feedback. Exactly. And it's really bad to assume all the people know how to constructively give feedback.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

So all of I've had, let's see, I've had two managers that I've absolutely loved, and one of them is my current one. My current one. I don't know, she's such a role model for me, but when she gives feedback, it's a little blunt, it's very professional, blunt. But when we're face to face, like on video, she feels like your best friend. But on in emails and like, you know, messages, if like she's very blunt and very dry. And I'm like, um, it's okay. Cause I remember, I remember how like she smiles, like her face, and how you know, um, she pulls you in. So I never take it to heart. I'm literally obsessed with her. She's amazing. Um, so I think you just have to like find some common ground because an amazing manager is an amazing manager, whether they're giving you that feedback in a weird tone or not. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 12:29

But there's a difference between blunt and uh destructively give feedback. For example, to destructively give feedback means to attack the person and not tackle the problem. That's what I mean. So blunt is really important sometimes. Actually, blunt is good. If if yeah, if it's she she's like that all the time, but she's also professional and knows how to uh differentiate between uh attacking the person and um yeah saying the feedback, that's that's that's good actually. I I would love to be that like that one day as a boss, yeah. Actually, like blunt, but also kind and and good uh skill the person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

Yeah, and even when I like when I give constructive feedback to someone, I'm usually the one with the exclamation marks and the and the emojis and

Emojis, Emails, And Misreads

SPEAKER_02 13:25

stuff, because I know how it's that's why I don't think anybody takes me seriously.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Yeah, if if you feel like that might be too serious and intense, just put so many emojis, so yeah, it's like lighter.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Yeah, and there were times where I'm a lead and my our manager, so like the you know, like lead manager, super, you know, director. Um, and then my manager would be like, It's okay to speak without emojis, it's okay to like not include exclamation.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

And I'm like, I can what if they hate me? She's like, it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 14:06

Because this is your personality, Renee. You're like, cheer up if someone's did something like yay, and you know, like your emotions are like your emotions are intense and good, you know, you give good vibes. Um, you so it would be it would be really weird to like type without emojis. That would be not you that or like you're medicated with the generic um medication or or the bad one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

Don't let me mention some pharmaceutical names. We don't we don't want to do that because I'll get sued.

SPEAKER_04 14:44

Yeah, so the the that happens with us as well. Like yeah, when a friend takes hours to respond or uh not putting in uh emojis.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

Um yeah, remember we did we we talked about that before. Like, are you mad because you're not listening? You're freaking me out, you're not using any emojis yet.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

This just happened recently. I'm at the hair salon, right? But in this case, she was actually right. Like, I was going through a rough time. I was very overstimulated, so much work, all this stuff happening, and I wasn't responding with emojis, but I like inserted an LOL here and there. She calls me up and she's like, Hey, are you okay?

SPEAKER_01 15:26

And I'm like, Oh my god, how'd you know?

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah, get you a friend like this.

SPEAKER_04 15:35

It wasn't that we I don't um feel RC

Why ADHD Amplifies RSD

SPEAKER_04 15:40

from you, you're not responding immediately because I don't do either. And we both are having ADHD, so when we understand, yeah, like if I'm away from the phone for a while or not responding for a while, that doesn't mean that I'm avoiding, but you're busy, you know, we are yeah, we are we have ADHD, so sometimes we pile things up, and and it's not even like just ADHD, as like a sane adult, you know everyone's busy, everyone has their own stuff.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

So, no, Hella is not, you know, rejecting me as a friend. She's up to her eyeballs in work, in life, in whatever. Um, and a lot of you know, neurotypicals, and it's really weird like how we understand that, but a lot of neurotypicals don't get that. Yeah, I'm generalizing.

SPEAKER_04 16:36

I I should take that back, but I actually understand what you mean. Not all of them get that, and uh yeah, some people are only uh expecting love in a specific way, or yeah, like love is responding back immediately. No, it's not like that for us, especially. So, yeah, I understand. The last one would be

Childhood Correction And Masking

SPEAKER_04 17:05

maybe social media engagement drops. Oh that that's on that would be yeah, that would be really weird coming out from my mouth because I'm I'm really not a social media person, so I I I feel like oh, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Hi guys, it's me. It's me the one it's Irania, it's me, yeah. So when you guys like you know skip our videos and like not like or comment, it hurts my feelings.

SPEAKER_04 17:32

And yeah, you make Rania sad that's the same. You make me so sad. So don't do this, please. Please, like I want to be friends, please, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:47

But why ADHD makes RSD worse?

SPEAKER_04 17:56

Uh maybe because we do we struggle to regulate our feelings in general.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yes, not just uh the rejection exactly, and then when we have trouble regulating those emotions, our impulse control or lack thereof, it kicks in. We can't, you know, we start shooting out responses, we start yeah, without even thinking those two like millisecond responses, like boom, boom, boom, boom, and then you're like, Why did you say that?

SPEAKER_04 18:32

Yeah, that that's the story of my life as a kid.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

When anybody's like, I wish I knew you when you were a kid, I was like, You don't want that.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Same. No, you don't, because like my mother, I I love her to death. She always gives me like the cold hard truth. She tells me, she's like, Ranya, like, this was back in the day. Now I'm very like, I've worked on it. She's like, your tongue slices, it cuts. You yeah, she would, she says it, and she's like, You need to look, you need to work on it. And I I completely agreed with her, and that's when like you know, you you need to work on this. I know it's harder, I know ADHD makes it more difficult, but it's something that you know one millisecond can damage such a great relationship that took a lifetime to build.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Yeah, totally. Yeah. So for me, when I was a kid, my tongue didn't do the slicing, my hands and

Challenging Thoughts And Perspective

SPEAKER_04 19:45

legs did because I used to play karate as a kid. Can you imagine? Did you imagine? No, the imagine, just erase all of that.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

So black black belt hella. You guys close your eyes, close your eyes and imagine. Oh my god. No, please hide your kids, hide your wives, hide everybody.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

Oh now I'm a I'm a grown-up woman, so I don't do any of that. Okay, but I might I might imagine myself doing that to you in my head if I'm really mad at you, but not doing that actually doing that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

So tell us how you really feel.

SPEAKER_04 20:29

No, I don't okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

This girl is crazy, a little scary, but still funny.

SPEAKER_04 20:40

Anyway, next it's good that we mentioned the childhood. Um since it's childhood or the way we've been criticized as children, it is having a lot to do with making RSD worse for us with ADT.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Being labeled as too much and then that causing us to mask for years. When did you finally take off your mask, Kala? When was the day that you finally said I'm not I'm not acting for anybody?

SPEAKER_04 21:24

I think I have never uh gived up. I have so many masks though. Really? Like ones for work and ones for uh family and ones for blah blah. And they're different. Um the thickness of these masks differs, you know, depends on the situation. But um, I have my close friends, I never mask in front of them. Um, like really, really close family. But at work and um different life settings. It's really hard not to.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

As a neurodivergent

Naming RSD And Delaying Responses

SPEAKER_04 22:05

because people don't understand that all the time, you know.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

I agree with you, but um I think it was like around 26 years old for me. I used to wear very thick masks. Like you said, there's they're different. Family's one, um, friends are, you know, one. I I never really kept many close friends, but I I do have and I still have childhood friends till this day. And, you know, you're one of them, but I, you know, I've just met him um a couple of years back. But um the thickness of the masks have lessened besides work. Work is always going to be that professional.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Yes, the thickest one. Yeah. Everybody's masking at work anyway.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

So exactly, of course. Yeah. And as an ADHD person, sometimes like you see through those masks, you know, like when it's, you know, department meeting and you're looking at them and you're like, God, I know. Like, I know you have Homer Simpson slippers on right now. You're that guy.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

Where's Spongebob? Uh underwear. Anyway, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

You have a stack of Pokemon cards right next to your desk, don't you? Collectibles. No, seriously. Um, which nothing is wrong with that. I used to play Pokemon, okay? It's okay. Nice. But yeah, the mask, it lessened, it's not as thick anymore. Um, it's just like I worked on the trauma of constant correction. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. It's just different. And when you embrace your different, I'm not gonna like candy coat ADHD and be like, oh my god, it's a superpower. No, we have our superpowers, but then yeah, we have our downfalls. But you know, you create systems that work for you and you continue on with life.

Asking For Clarity And Boundaries

SPEAKER_04 24:06

Yes, exactly. And also I feel like everybody's having their own uh skills, but for ADHD, the skills are really bright, but you get them once you really uh get to this happy place with your mindset and your life, like accepted your ADHD, you're embraced the good side, and you've worked on yourself to manage your ID, and um you don't sabotage yourself and then you moved on, and then the good and bright side kicks in, you know. That's what I feel at least. Um yeah, but it's it's easier said than done. And when you grow grow up being corrected more than braised, your brain starts scanning for rejection before it even happens. Yes, and that can even that can even make you really mess the good things are happening in front of you.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Exactly. When your brain is, I have this this thing where it's like I challenge my brain. I I thought that was like a normal, you know, human response, but do you know that some people do not challenge their brains? You have to challenge your brain. For example, um, they hate me. Who said that? To yourself, say it. Who told you that? And if you can't name a person who told you that, then you need to challenge your brain and rewire using a positive response. I don't understand why this is not like um a thing that's adopted. Even people without ADHD. I've encountered people, Ella, that don't challenge their thoughts. Do you challenge your thoughts?

SPEAKER_04 25:55

All the time, yeah. All the time. Um analyzing and yeah, and ask all the questions first. Breaking things and then work yes, and then build from there. Yeah, I always do that.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Stepping into the other person's um

Building Rejection Tolerance

SPEAKER_02 26:10

reality. Have you ever left your own reality and stepped into that person's? Like, for example, you and I have, I don't know, a disagreement. Okay, I feel like you're wrong. Okay, I can leave that there, and then I'm gonna step into your reality. But why does she see this this way? Okay, what did I how did I say it? Was it my tone? Was it this? I will listen to you so carefully. I will begin to see it your way. Um, sometimes we do that, yeah. Yeah, sometimes we will agree to disagree. Sometimes I might even change my view because you may be right to me, and I wasn't singing it before. And that's okay. We cannot have pride the way that sometimes we do, because that's when we start to like neglect or manipulate or without even knowing a relationship.

SPEAKER_04 27:01

I totally agree with you, and I see you doing that all the time. You're analyzing and sometimes even over-analyzing sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

I do, I do.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

But I really respect that about you because you're doing an effort here to understand yourself and others, and that makes you really uh empathetic, and uh, I really like that about you.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Thank you. You do as well. Hel is a little different though than me. I overanalyze. She kind of like is more grounded than I am. She'll she has these I don't know what you call them, these loops. Yeah, loops. I remember how you redirect conversations and stuff when you see like a person not trying to meet you halfway.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

What are they called? I try to well I just feedback loop. It's feedback loop. Yeah, when someone is saying something stupid, I tend to ask

Self Love And Identity Separation

SPEAKER_04 28:00

as much as follow-up questions I can ask. I kinda uh have a flow chart in my brain that I use, and now whenever I feel RSD, I literally can name it. Like whenever I feel I feel like yes, I'm now RSD. Okay, let's play now. Let's just run this flowchart and uh you've done it a hundred times or like million times, and uh let's have fun for a while. Uh so I'm not I'm not feeling uh hit by RSD that much now. I used to feel as a kid the most, but same. We're gonna we're gonna cover that later. We we've covered the sad spiraling part, but we never covered the rage side of it. Are you raging out of it now as a grown-up or um very rarely?

SPEAKER_02 28:53

I used to, but rage for me is very quiet. It's not um loud like you would think. So peop defensive anger, it's very rare for me now because I I stop it, but um cutting people off completely. Like if you if you push me too hard, um, and if your disrespect goes, this is actually if there is disrespect, not just like RSD. Yes, like it used to be took your time. Yeah, it used to be just RSD. Like I would completely cut someone off the whole fine, I don't care attitude. Yeah, that goes. And then sometimes I'll even like disappear first. So that way, like I'm protecting myself before they disappear, and sometimes even self-sabotage.

SPEAKER_04 29:44

You can definitely relate to that. Uh for me now uh I don't do these things anymore, really. Maybe because I recognize my RSD immediately. Uh but to cutting people

Final Reframes And Takeaways

SPEAKER_04 30:00

off, I don't do that out of RSD actually. I do that because I have so many reasons to do. So I do that maybe I I I've done it two times or three times in my entire life. I don't cut people off easily at all. You know, you've witnessed that with me before. Yeah, I do not do that. I know, but um the the fine I don't care, yeah, I do that all the time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:26

And I don't ghost, but yeah, fine, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

It's really hard for me to give up on people. But in my adult life, um there haven't been really anyone who's really important that I've cut off. Um, if you're an acquaintance or just passing through my life and, you know, you surpassed a boundary numerous times, because you know me, like I will give you numerous times. I'm not going to just, you know, push you away the first time. Um, yeah, I'll completely cut you off because you're not that important. Um, and it's just a waste of energy. Energy is so much more valuable than money, than time, than anything. Yeah, it directly affects your health. Why would I waste that on anyone? We covered a bunch of stuff. We need to cover how to regulate it now.

SPEAKER_04 31:25

We are going to cover our way, or it's let's just say this is actually the um scientifically proven way. No. But that's our recommendation. Um, the very first thing to do is to name your feeling and recognize when exactly you are RSDing, and know that this is just you RSDing and this is not the reality. I was saying that once I feel a specific sensation, I know that I am RSDing. Not that I, oh my god, I feel ashamed, like I'm in trouble, and long. No, I know that I am RSDing.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Same for me. For having it for so, you know, for being aware for so long. Now it's just like, oh, it's happening again. So for anybody who's like new to this terminology, name it in the moment. Like Calla said, it's very important in that moment to name it. Don't wait five to ten minutes or an hour and be like, oh, it's RSD. That's not gonna come to you. Name it that second. Try to figure it out if you know it is RSD in that moment.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

Yeah, and the second step is to just give yourself some time. The thing I do is to ask, like I said, ask follow-up questions to um it is basically ask the person in front of you to explain more. And that would make the emotions surge without reacting for a while. So you gather your so your thoughts and you think about it a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

Nah, I want to touch base on one thing before we move. And this is the thing that you're going to mention. Before you ask those follow-up questions, be ready to like ask them without attacking. If you can't do that, then this is the next thing.

SPEAKER_04 33:30

Yeah, uh thinking and reacting uh are totally different uh functions. So we uh we struggle with you know executive functions as well. So don't try to do two things at once in general. Don't don't don't do that, okay? So you got to yeah, give yourself some time to um let your emotions be lighter and then think about it. And exactly like Rania said, never speak or text while experiencing these intense emotions because no no response is better than disregulated response, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:14

So yeah, so delay your response. And um next is ask for clarity, which Hella already covered, instead of assuming the tone.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

Yeah, you can do that after giving yourself some some time and think about it and uh delaying your response and all of that. And you for me, I do that just once I have the feeling. So I give myself the time, you know, yeah, to to understand things because 90% of the times I feel I shouldn't feel this way in the first place. Because maybe I understood things in the wrong way or something, yeah, or the pe the person in front of me sent the wrong message without meaning it. So yeah, you got to ask for clarity and uh next is to uh you know build a rejection tolerance, sometimes small rejections like yes and no questions. It's okay to have no's sometimes. It's it's alright.

SPEAKER_02 35:24

Yeah, in order to well, to make it easier for you guys, um, sometimes it's really hard uh to just tell you to build rejection tolerance. Um go out and just ask questions that you know will give you a no. I do that, uh you know, I still do that. Um, to continue building that rejection tolerance, I purposely ask questions that I know I will receive a no as an answer. Like today I want to go to Disneyland. I'm gonna go to my husband and say, hey, let's go to Disneyland today. That's not possible, no. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

And uh the last point is to self-loat. And we've we've covered that before in our Valentine's Day special. Um, get back to that to this one if you didn't do already. But yeah, it's really important to self-love and love your identity and uh separate rejection from identity or those bad thoughts, bad bullies, like you're not lovable, you are not you're like you're dramatic or too much. Just kick those thoughts out of your system and uh hopefully you'll be alright.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Um, and you're not too much, you're not dramatic, and just remember that rejection is a form of information, it's not a verdict, it does not identify you, does not make you who you are. Um, take everything with a grain of salt. Don't don't just stick a label onto yourself or onto a situation just because your brain wants you to, or that's what safety feels like.

SPEAKER_04 37:13

Yeah. And after all these tips, you figured out that you are not actually RSD, but the person in front of you is just being rude and a jerk just to respond the way they deserve. Because sometimes you're not RSD. Sometimes the person in front of you needs boundaries or needs to forget everything.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

Forget everything we said and just go full throttle on them. Just let it all out.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

All right, so before we wrap up today's episode, we want you to hear this very clearly. RSD does not mean you're broken or dramatic, and definitely it doesn't mean that you're unlovable.

SPEAKER_04 38:10

Yeah, this is how your nervous system learned to protect you. Just remember that this internal protection isn't the same as truth.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Rejection sometimes hurts, but it is not a measure of your worth, and your worth is not up for debate. Learn to challenge your brain. If you take anything from this podcast, please take this. Learn to challenge your brain. Sometimes your brain will lie to you because it feels safe.

SPEAKER_04 38:43

Thank you guys for listening to us. And if this topic routinates, send it to an idiot diva who needs to hear it as well. Comment your thoughts on our socials. Okay, send us a text or email for your feedback. Um, until next time. See you, diva. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

Bye.